by lady jerzy
He swore our desires would become a reality and this fantasy fairy tale we were living would become a dream come true.  He said he loved me, he needed me, couldn't live without me but where is he now? A figment of my imagination this is reality it came crashing in he doesn't exist. He's just a voice inside my head trying to guide me to a distorted world of delusion. I am in my own world its called lonliness.
I believed him fed into his words he talked a good game better then anyone I ever knew. I wondered could it be true was he really going to rescue me or just burn another hole in my heart. The more he delayed the more skeptical I became I wish I could say this was real but it appears to be nothing more then a girl's usual day dream. He's not mine he's just a guy I made up inside my head. I'm infatuated by the thought that maybe he could exist but my mind is always playing tricks on me, I begin to wonder if everything I've ever known was a lie.
I wanted it so bad I could envision his presence in my bed. His voice used to be my escape from reality but now its just a nightmare gone bad can't get him out of my head. I just want him to fade away from wherever he sprung from, I want him not an illusion. I want the memories of him to burn into pieces of nothing. He took me from happiness to darkness, he lifted me out of the rain, showed me the brighter side of things and then he vanished like a ghost. Wanna let go because all I have of him is thoughts and possesions, if he only knew I'd rather have him here not there.
He caused my heart to dismantle I'm an emotional rollercoaster riding off all the tracks. Some days I know he cares and other days its like I don't even cross his mind. Have you ever loved someone so bad it hurts to not know anything at all if he's even still breathing. The uncertainty crushes me I just wanna know! I need him here not a trillion miles away from me. I am falling into my own solitude without him I am nothing with him I am lively dead to the world thats what I've become only he can make me smile and feel i've become frozen like a stop watch without him just waiting for the days, and months to go by and with some luck hoping he actually becomes mine and not a corpse in the desert.
I am a ticking time bomb the easiest thing sets me off these days. I need him to make me calm again. I don't know what to do to relax anymore my thoughts always on him. Distance drives me insane, I don't even get excited about anything anymore. I used to look forward to things now everything is just blah. I love him but is that really enough to bound the distance between us or should I just pretend I never met him and carry on with this state of depression deployment has caused me.