I was a Navy wife and these are some of my journal entries from one of our deployments.

10-4-02: Sometimes I wonder why I willingly go through this. Instead of sleeping in my big bed alone I sleep on the couch. The clock ticks loudly but never quite fast enough. It has been 4 months since you left. I still miss you everyday. Other wives don't understand. It is most obvious that they don't when they complain about their husbands dirty socks laying on the floor. I wish I would see your dirty socks.

Only a military wife would say this. Not that we have a fetish for dirty socks, we just have a deep, passionate love for our man that includes his socks or any other clothing he owns. Why else would we refuse to wash the things that he left behind for fear that we would forget what he smelled like.


10-26- 02: I sit in the dark living room with only the light of my computer keeping me company. The kids have long gone to bed and I feel alone. I just wait and pray for an e mail, a call, anything to know that he is okay. Just to know that he longs for me the way I do for him. Deep down I know he does. The months have gone by so slowly but yet I wouldn't trade them. I am so much stronger now then I was before. Every deployment I get stronger. I will make it.

12-13-02: Tomorrow I will go pick him up! I cannot wait! I went through the house for the millionth time to make sure that everything is clean and sparkly. I have so much to say to him. Bad thoughts, what if he doesn't love me? What if time has rusted what was once so strong! No, he will feel the same as he did before.

12-14-02: He is home. I can barely see the monitor due to the tears that wont stop falling. He is asleep now and as usual I am not. I must talk about what happened today. I got to the pier early with the kids. They were dressed up so cute. I was surrounded by hundreds of nervous Navy wives all looking at the water. I thought that I was going to explode with excitement when the ship appeared and all of the women around me started cheering. I was too choked up to join in so I just comforted my daughter who got startled by the sudden eruption of noise. I tried to force myself to calm down but I knew that it wasn't going to work. Fast forwarding to the good parts a sea of sailors were filing off the ship and there he was. It wasn't anything dramatic like the crowd parting just for us or the slow motion run but it was just as special. He walked to me, dropped his sea bag, grabbed my face tenderly and kissed me. It felt so amazing to feel his lips on mine again. Oh the feeling of joy was tremendous. I watched him grab our children and hold them close.

After we got home and the children went to sleep. We laid in our big bed together. Just holing each other like we were afraid that the other was going to disappear. I whispered to him as he was falling asleep, "this is why I willingly go through this. It's moments like these."